Bel is 19. She lives in Marleboyne, London. Bel's best friend lives in the flat below hers. Bel's flat is cosy and lovely, it could be featured on 'A Beautiful Mess' . Bel has over a million followers on Twitter. Bel has lots of friends. Writers, comedians, actors, artists. She likes people who are interesting and can't stand those who are just a pretty face and no soul, no substance.
Bel writes a blog read and loved by millions of people everyday. She is studying journalism, creative writing and film at a London university. She is part of the Daunt Book writers group.
She always smells like a vanilla cupcake. She spends her Friday nights hanging out at little London wine bars and listening to live music with her friends and her boyfriend.
Bel is always smiling. Bel likes to go up to Paris on the train every month or so. Bel speaks fluent French and Japanese.
Bel can beat her boyfriend is a running race. She is a yoga fanatic. She has a piano in her living room and her neighbours love her for how much she plays. She drinks green tea every morning. She wears amazing clothes. She is happy. She is the my own idolised version of myself.
When ever I find myself scrolling throw Wanelo, in a kitchen store, making goals or just staring into space, an image flashes into my head. Sometimes the image is only there for a moment and sometimes it will linger, staying in the back of my mind for a few hours. The image is of a girl who looks similar to me but not exactly the same. A girl who is me, 5 years older, with all my flaws and insecurities replaced with things I wish were part of my appearance.
You see my name is Isabella, but no one ever calls me Bel. It just doesn't happen. So I suppose when I couldn't stop thinking about this 'person' I decided that I should call her Bel, as if I was reinventing myself.
I suppose you could almost say it's an extrrreeemmmmlllyyyy long term goal of mine to become this person. The 'perfect' version of myself. And I try to. All my goals all seem to come together to create this imaginary person, a person who has been shaped by characters, by music, by coral lipstick, by me. But equally, I know, in the back of my mind that I will never be this person. People don't call me Bel, ever. And, we can't become the best versions of ourselves because we are too insecure. There will always be things about ourselves we can't change.
But none the less, I love thinking about this chick. I make up stories about her, there are certain songs that remind me of her and she's always there...in the back of my mind.
I suppose that leaves me with one question is my over thinking about Bel a good thing? Yes, thinking about Bel can get pretty freaking frustrating. And yeah, maybe it can make me feel a little insecure. But, ultimately..hell yeah, it's fantastic, it motivates me to constantly want to better myself.
So, if you don't already, I recommend creating an idolised version of your self (god, I'm talking in my own pshyco language). Write about her, dream about her, let her live in your head. Because, guess what - It's motivating, it's exciting, it gives you an excuse to use your imagination after a day of studying photosynthesis (which is how I am spending today - kill me now) and on top of all this (semi) philosophical crap I have just rambled on about...it's fun!
Smile today,
Isabella xo
